I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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