you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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