There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
