ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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