so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
