My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
