You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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