weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i've created a new STD.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
