It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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