So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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