I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
