fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
