you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
