im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
