I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
