dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
