Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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