Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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