Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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