and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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