Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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