I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
