my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
