Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
