her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
