3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
false alarm. still invincible.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
