Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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