Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
