He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
