the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
