dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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