so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
