rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
