The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
