Don't you send me to vm
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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