god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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