He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
