that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
