I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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