shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
