i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
