Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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