): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
