so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
