Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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