cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
