bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
