Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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