I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize