She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
