you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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