Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
