He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
