He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
