dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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