I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
