I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
