If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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