so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize