I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
