This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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