great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's shark week go big or go home
We're too hungover to prance.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
