I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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