I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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