I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
