So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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