I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
