I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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