bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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