At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
