God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
