I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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