Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
