I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
