After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
