i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker