my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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