You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.