I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
