shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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