I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
