the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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