im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
